Reasons Why Rules and Consequences Routinely Fail

These are often created in the heat of the moment, out of anger or fear. The parent hasn't thought through whether it's fair, or whether these expectations, along with the consequences for not meeting them, can be followed through on.

See the Dream Parenting Made Real Course for more on this subject, the point being one parent can't hold boundaries and follow through on expectations if the other intentionally, or unintentionally, undermines their co-parent. (Remember the Bathtub Analogy.)

Contracts often fail because teens are not genuinely involved in the agreement process, leading to a lack of commitment.

Often details of the expectations are haphazard, too many, or basically unclearn. If they are captured on paper, the document isn't referred to again. (Remember the Covering the Golf Cart example.

Focus on punitive measures rather than positive reinforcement can lead to resentment rather than cooperation. You get what you focus on, so if it is heavy on the consequence, that negative energy creates resistance.

Once the crisis has passed, parents take their eye off the ball and unwittingly teach their kids that the expectations they set are not relevant once things settle down.

One of the reasons parents set and forget. There are too many things to track and follow up on, so parents become police rather than parents.

If we think our job as a parent is to control, and we create an agreement from that place, we use levers of control rather than influence that focuses on teaching, collaboration, and explaining why we are asking for certain behaviors.

Contracts that don't adapt to changing circumstances or developmental stages can become obsolete or irrelevant, diminishing their effectiveness.